Screentime can be a chronic, stressful subject for any parents to discuss with their kids – and with each other. Setting limits on screen time can be an explosive discussion with the kids, and if parents aren’t on the same page about how much, what types, and when children may use screens, it can become an issue between them too.

In this first episode of the Mediator Minutes, I talk about an initial check-in parents can do with each other to help them start-off their problem solving discussions on the same page, and close a potential loophole before their children can exploit it.

This check-in is a helpful step before getting into the specifics about setting rules and boundaries for the kids.

But it’s a step that is too often skipped – with results that can easily lead to family conflict.

(Video transcript follows below)
Begin transcript:

Screen time can be a complicated subject for any family, especially when parents feel like they’re trying to figure out how to limit the screen time their kids should have. 

Hi, I’m Erik Feig, family mediator, and founder of Feig Mediation Group in Bethesda, Maryland. 

It’s no secret that dealing with screen time can create anxiety for parents. 

So, I want to share with you a strategy to use before you get into any of the details of what you want the rules to be. 

It’s this:

Check in First with each other to make sure you both agree on your starting point – what screens you want to deal with.  

Screens can come in so many shapes and sizes.

If you are not clear with each other about what you’re trying to cover, you can be very confident that your kids will either be unclear about the rules, or will find the loopholes. And that gap that you didn’t realize was there between you and your partner on this, because you didn’t talk about it, can quickly become a point of contention that leads to frustration and blame. 

Screen Time Limits, An Example

Here’s an example. You and your partner want to limit screen time to an hour a day. 

So far, so good, right? 

Except that one of you is talking about all screens: devices, gaming systems, phones, essentially anything you could turn off or on. And your partner is focused on time using That Phone App the kids are spending too much of their day on. 

So when you agree that when an hour or so feels about right for screen time, well …

You can see where this goes, right?

Someone is going to be in for a surprise when your child says they thought you meant only the phone app.  Well … 

“Not the gaming system, and certainly not the TV – certainly not the TV, too!” 

And off you go from there. 

So, don’t skip that first check-in with each other. Be clear. It will help you both make sure that you’re both at the same starting point. THEN move on to the rest of the details. 

Taking this initial step will help you create a solid foundation for the rest of what you’re trying to do. 

I’m Erik Feig. Thanks for joining me for today’s Mediator Minutes. I’ll see you next time.

(end transcript)

Feig Mediation Group helps parents, families and businesses create paths to more positive outcomes when important issues and decisions are on the line and communication can be most difficult. We have a particular focus on working with parents, especially parents in neurodiverse families, and issues involving adult families and aging loved ones.

If you wish to learn more about ways mediation can help parents with difficult situations, are considering mediation, or are interested in scheduling a free consultation, you can contact us at: erik@feigmediationgroup.com or visit us at Feig Mediation Group.