Name: Feig Mediation Group, LLC
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The Back-to-School season can be especially challenging for divorced or separated co-parents. For families with neurodivergent children and kids with special needs, co-parenting through this time of transition can be even more complicated, as it is not only a transition from summer schedules to the school year parenting routines, but it also requires a supportive environment for the children, both at school and home, no matter which parent they are with.

Here are three strategies from a mediator’s toolbox to help co-parents navigate this dual transition and minimize stress for everyone involved:

Lead as Unified Co-Captains:

Co-parenting unity means providing a harmonized approach that reassures your children and helps ground them as they navigate the back-to-school transitions and the changes they bring. Changes in routines, such as those required to start the school year, can be particularly challenging and anxiety-inducing for children with additional needs. Therefore, it becomes incumbent on co-parents to work together to create the “safe harbors” their children require to cope with these changes.

Here are a few ways to cultivate this:

Turn Your Differences Into Opportunities:

As parents, the main goal should be prioritizing your children’s well-being. Ask yourselves what steps you can take individually or together to keep their needs center-stage and to transcend your disagreements so that you can develop – and align on – solutions.

For example, instead of viewing disagreements as a my-way-or-your-way situation where you are competing about who is “right,” consider ways of engaging with each other that can unlock more possibilities that work for everyone. Consider using each other as sounding boards for your ideas, and work together to develop “better fit” solutions that meet the needs of your kids.

Doing so will make you more likely to keep your kids at the center of the discussion, where they need to be.

Commit to Cooperation:

Prioritize the child’s needs and create collaborative paths. Discuss ways to “bridge the gaps” when differing ideas and opinions arise and collaborate on solutions rather than competing with each other for the final say.

Foster Consistency:

Establish predictable, consistent routines across both homes whenever possible, from homework and bedtime to handling anxieties, to provide the security, consistency, and predictability that so many neurodivergent kids crave.

Prioritize Active Communication:

Successful co-parenting revolves around open communication. Remember that communication is an active process. What are some ways you can support this?

Stay Synchronized:

Work out ways for co-parents to be current and informed not only about logistics and what needs to be done but also about the emotional and social state of the children. This supports proactive, in-tune responses no matter whose care they are under when things come up. Discuss what processes and systems you can both use to help assure that you are up to date on what’s going on with your kids. When possible, schedule time to check in with each other and with your children to discuss what’s working and what adjustments could help things work better for everyone.

Celebrate and Collaborate:

Sharing and recognizing achievements – and paying attention generally to what goes right – is important, too. Addressing challenges together as supportive teammates fosters unity and helps devise cohesive strategies and solutions.

Build Your Support Team:

Co-parenting children with additional needs requires a higher level of situational awareness and support for them – and, yes, for your needs as the parents, too.

So ask yourselves how you can pay attention to your own well-being and support needs while also attending to your children, as neglecting your needs can lead to burnout that is detrimental for both the parents and the children over the long run. Take a moment to evaluate what resources and support structures you each need to succeed for your kids. Remember, co-parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, and it is essential to take the time to invest in your well-being and support structures in addition to theirs.

For children with complicated needs, transitions, and changes, such as the start of a new school year, are processes that begin before and continue after the first day, week, or even month. This also applies to the adults, as investing in your own well-being is investing in your child’s future.

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Erik M Feig is a parent and family mediator and founder of Feig Mediation Group in Bethesda, Maryland. An experienced mediator with a focus on families with neurodivergent or special needs children, he is committed to facilitating more amicable, cooperative divorce resolutions that can create the foundation for positive, child-centered co-parenting afterwards, and helping parents continue to meet the changing needs of their kids over time.

If you want to learn more about ways we can help you create a smoother co-parenting path for when you are apart, are considering mediation, or are interested in scheduling a free consultation, you can contact us at: erik@feigmediationgroup.com or visit us at Feig Mediation Group