It’s Our Space and Your Mess (Part 1, Video)

Navigating how you live together in the same space can be a sensitive subject when you have different approaches – and levels of comfort – for how the space will be kept. The topic can be even more complicated when neurodiversity is a factor in the home.

In this video, we discuss some of the triggers that, if left unresolved, can lead to frustration, resentment and even conflict in the family.

Feig Mediation Group helps parents and families that are ready to get to solutions that will work for everyone, but struggle with the discussions they need to get there.

We have a particular focus on working with parents in neurodiverse families, and issues involving adult families and aging loved ones.

If you wish to learn more about our practice, are considering mediation, or are interested in scheduling a free consultation, you can contact us at: erik@feigmediationgroup.com,     https://www.feigmediationgroup.com

Video Transcript:

Why don’t you just put your stuff away?

Why is this such a big deal to you?

Talking about how you keep the space you live in and share with your spouse, your children – or anyone else for that matter – can get ugly very quickly.

This video is part-one of a two-part series to help you clean-up how you approach these issues, so you can find an outcome that everyone can live with.

Hi I’m Erik Feig, mediator and founder of Feig Mediation Group in Bethesda, Maryland. I was recently contacted about helping a family that was having trouble talking about the state of their shared spaces. This family, like so many others, includes members with ADHD and difficulties in executive functioning, including organization, planning and, yes, follow-through.

The situation was frustrating for the neurotypical members of the family that don’t have those challenges, or who just wanted the mess to go away and had trouble understanding why it was so hard.

On the surface this may seem like a simple disagreement about order versus mess, but when the added layer of neurodiversity is in the mix, the situation is more complicated. The demand to just get it done, to someone who wants to – but can’t – can be overwhelming. It can be an anxiety inducing. It can be paralyzing and frustrating for everyone involved for very different reasons – and being successful at creating solutions in those circumstances means being able to recognize, and accommodate, what’s really driving the situation.

I’m always picking up your stuff.

Why can’t you just let it go?

Does any of this sound familiar?

Notice how when this happens the focus of the conversation isn’t about how to achieve the objective. It’s about blaming and justifying your view of things. It’s rationalizing the stories you’re each telling yourselves about why things went the way they did, instead of addressing the concrete issues that’s still there: What are you going to do about the stuff?

The anger and the frustrations, the judgments and, yes, the resentments are real!

The impact can be divisive and corrosive – and they can be the blocks that prevent you from addressing what started the conversation. So what would it look like if you moved away from the WHY conversations to one that focuses on WHAT and HOW you can help each other to do?

That’s what we’ll talk about in part-two. We’ll get to the concrete strategies there. Thanks for joining me. If you’re looking for changing the path of difficult family conversations, or are interested in learning more ways that mediation could help you get unstuck, visit us or set up a free consultation at our website at www.FeigMediationGroup.com. I’m looking forward to seeing you next time.